"Explosion containment net" patent also good against hippies
Behold, a filthy hippie. Visible smell waves oscillate off of him, offending the sensitive, mucus-soaked nasal capillaries of all who stand downwind. One grubby hand is extended in a placating gesture of love... a message turned even more loathsome by the smear of excremental filth caked to the blade of his outstretched palm. The hippie shouts wildly about the murky, omnipresent Man... the corporations, the politicians, the baby killers who prevent all of mankind from sloppily colliding in an orgiastic rut of granola, pot and unshaven armpits. Everyone hates him.
But say you're the murky, omnipresent Man who is duty-bound to exile him to certain mid-west detainment camps. You've got a problem: how best to oppress this hippie without letting him touch you? This hippie containment net — first dreamed up and patented under the Nixon administration, then cleverly re-marketed as an "explosion containment net" after September 11th — solves the problem with deft engineering. Cram this in your bong hole, Cheech. The good citizens of America want to hear nothing of your disgusting "peace" and "love."
Top 10 Strangest Anti-Terrorism Patents [Neatorama]
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The horn is for playing a pre-recorded message instructing the hippy terrorist to stop laughing at the device and take this all a little more seriously.
The first thing I thought of when I saw this was the device protects the cop from having a flower placed in the barrel of his assault rifle. Can't let that happen!
Oh, Batman's nemesis The Penguin just called. He says he already has several patents on umbrellas as a tactical weapon. See you in court.
woah man like groovy weapon bro. dude are we like underwater or something scubaman? woah look at my fingers... ever notice how weird the word fingers is? dude don't try to label me. H? H for hippie? you can't label me umbrella scuba man. woah the sidewalk is melting diagonally. the sidewalk is now the roof. free mumia. buck fush.
This works best if you visualize the narrator from the drug film in Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas.
"Know your dope fiend. You will not be able to see his eyes because of tea shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim."
WOAH, look at the dotted lines running down my arm and turning into Pringles cans, man.
Anyone else suspect that the dynamite vest is a later addition to the drawing? If so, why not change the headband to a turban while they are at it?
fascist pigs!
The whole fascist pig system is coming down, man!
The hippie reminds me of the post-Vietnam, SLA types who pop up every so often like cardboard targets on a police shooting range, in "Brannigan," one of John Wayne's last movies.
The device was used in "The Running Man," to bag a fleeing Ahnuld on an airport landing strip.
"Wait a minute, those are hot dogs! Armour hot dogs!"
"What kind of man wears Armour hot dogs?"
-Wiggum/Chalmers, 4F09